brokenness.

"brokenness is the realization that life is too much for us, not just because there is too much pain but also because we're too selfish. brokenness is realizing He is all have. hope is realizing He is all we need. joy is realizing He is all we want." - dr. larry crabb

the long walk.

no parking spots left in front of heritage dorm. i drive up to lot A to park my car, open the trunk, and unload my bags from the weekend to begin my treck back to heritage. with me i have my overnight bag and laundry from spending the night with carrie, my purse, and another bag of laundry and two freshly pressed collared shirts to deliver to a friend in wing one from his parents (who go to the church i attend). in the bitter cold and wind, i walk up the walkway juggling this load. i look ahead to the building and am discouraged by the distance i have still to go. i think about walking quicker or running, but with all of these bags it would be impossible. i decide to focus on the ground in front of me. i take a moment to glance at the sky and the beautiful stars. i continue to walk forward, taking one block of pavement at a time and manage to make it to the warmth of heritage hall without any item falling off of my load.

as i walk, i reflect on the phone conversation i just finished with a friend. "when i think of all that is going on with you, my head spins. if it feels like you juggling a lot, you are," she said to me. i do feel like i'm juggling a lot. there is much work to be done to finish this program. i'm balancing two "lives" of undergrad and grad. i'm in application with SEND (which is in and of itself a full time job, i've come to learn). i'm being faced with serious life-after-college decisions. i'm going to bosnia in three weeks. and i'm tired. yet as i reflected on all of this while walking to my dorm this evening, i realized - i need to keep looking at what is right in front of me. if i look all the way ahead - i am going to be so much more overwhelmed. granted, i have on the side of my desk a list of all assignments due when from now until the end of the semester. but it's written out so that i see what is of most importance. i'm learning to make priorities. and i'm learning that i, christine lindemann, am a priority. i am not my schoolwork. i am not how much i can accomplish in one afternoon. i am also not how many phone calls i have failed to return or how many emails i have to catch up on or how messy my room is. i need to care for my soul. i need to look up at the sky and admire the beauty of the stars.

now as i sit writing this, my shoulders still hurt from carrying my bags. i'm writing this to process it and to try to help myself believe it and live by it. and i wonder if instead of simply looking at the step in front of me, if there's more to this illustration. i didn't ask for help. i actually thought of it, i thought of calling security and asking for a lift. i could have called a friend and asked for a hand to help me with the bags. but i didn't. "this will get done a lot faster if i just do it," i thought. oh, i so easily do the same thing in life. and with God.

Lord, please forgive me for trying to do this on my own. please forgive me for wearing myself out because i'm not asking for help - from You and from the wonderful people you have put in my world. please help me now. please help me to ask for help - and to truly cast my cares on You. please give me faith to trust You with the decisions that need to be made and the work that needs to be done. thank you, Lord.

pbu missions week.

here at PBU it's MISSIONS WEEK! this is different from what we've done in my time here, where we have a week set aside for missions during the regular class schedule. we have special chapels (key speakers - dave and liz givens!), evening activities, and breakout sessions on thursday (they cancelled class!). tonight was international food and fun night. in a game, i was dressed as a russian woman - my clothing made out of newspapers. and for the food, i rediscovered my love for curry. OH, and peach juice! i'm really going to have to take a run down to the russian food market sometime soon.

it's going to be crazy focusing on schoolwork with all of the excitement of missions activities and some of my favorite missionaries on campus. which reminds me, i have to go and read about clinical psychological disorders...

me and a missionary "dressed" as russians.

people from all around the world...

what's the story, morning glory?

it's not the morning, and i'm far too tired to write a story. but that line popped into my head because i have not updated with a post explaining what is going on with BOSNIA or other areas of my life! and so, here it is, a life update.

BOSNIA -- i'm currently raising financial and prayer support! i'm at less than half of the money i need financially, and so if you would like to help me, please let me know! and if you have given - THANK YOU SO MUCH! we met as a team last monday with a young woman who spent 14 months in bosnia over the past couple of years. she showed us pictures and shared stories about her experiences there. it was so incredible to hear first hand and it made the trip come alive. something that was really encouraging for me to hear is the importance of SHORT TERM TEAMS. she told us that short term teams are an opportunity for the locals to make some money - by us paying them to host us in their homes and by us paying for translators - money that is hard to come by these days. also, it gives them a chance to make friends with people from around the world and tell their story. this made me really excited to stay with a host family and learn about their lives and experiences.

lisa (one of our team leaders) was asked to conduct a seminar on depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. she's going to begin preparation for this NEXT WEEK, and she has asked for prayer for her preparation. please pray for her! she will be presenting with a translator, which also adds another challenge.

CLASSES -- OH, i honestly love my classes. they are so challenging and have so much work for them, but if i budget my time well i'll do just fine and learn so much. tomorrow, i'm planning on watching a DVD about group therapy -- and we actually watch the process of a group in its different stages. then for my practicum, i need to visit therapy groups and observe them in action. for another project, i'll be writting my own small group curriculum. i'm thinking of doing something about missions and maybe college students... i'm going to brainstorm a little more on this.

LIFE -- life after graduation? who has time to think of that now! but i do need to, and i ask for PRAYER in this area too. i actually am working on an application with SEND (can you believe it?!) for a position that i will post more on later!

CURRENTLY READING -- i would like to highly recommend this book for ALL OF YOU, especially those of you in leadership positions. this is a book i'm reading for class, that i know when i finish it will have changed my life -- leading with a limp, by dan allender.

i will leave you with a quote from allender's book, one that i am reflecting on tonight:

"a limping leader understands this: i don't know if i am right, nor am i sure the path chosen is the best, but after reflection, feedback, debate, and prayer, i am choosing this path. in the process, i will seek life like water and drink death like wine" (page 74).