home again.

last week i...

watched 17 episodes of lost.

drove HUNDREDS of miles.

caught up on a season of american idol in a night.

slept in 4 different places in 6 days.

lived from my car for a week.

hiked up a mountain by myself.

and the week before that i graduated from pbu! : )

now i'm back in connecticut spending time with family and friends (i've been to starbucks twice this week) and *trying* to unpack. i'm also back to reading for fun again (current read: fahrenheit 451, by ray bradbury) and watching lost (i'm catching up fast!). it's been a good week. i am also loving being back around the trinity community. yesterday i went to a woman's bible study and i am so excited to spend time with and learn from women older than me and to be a part of such a wonderful group of believers.

being "graduated" hasn't really hit me yet. i get excited when i think about actually HAVING my degrees, and i get sad when i think about nothing ever being the same in my pbu community. but i think part of me still expects that i'll go back there in the fall. it's just summer break, right?

in other news, i just purchased with some of my graduation money a round trip PLANE TICKET TO BERLIN in august! i'm going to berlin on august 4th and will stay there with a friend for a few days and then take a bus to wrocław. there i'll visit with friends and work at the english camp (august 18 - 28th). i'm really excited! i think this will be a good time for me to spend time with people, and also to process these past five years - AWAY from my home and my culture - and to pray about what's coming next in my life.

for graduation pictures - click HERE!

i hope to dance.

i hate packing. figuring out where everything needs to go in order to find it again is not a task i've mastered yet. i have, however, figured out a system to label my boxes so i know what is in them. so the box i have next to me says this on it: "tea, mugs, food, picture, coasters." the box on top of it has a similar mismatch of items: more mugs, tea, my jar for change that april gave me when she graduated, my can of strawberry tea that i bought in bosnia, and a wall hanging i purchased in disneyworld last christmas. my goal is to do a little at a time so that it is not all overwhelming at once. recently, i've been packing until i my heart realizes what my head is doing - i'm packing to leave pbu. not for break. not for summer. forever. every shirt that goes into a suitcase and every mug that gets carefully wrapped and placed in a box is one step closer to being an alumni.

all week long i've been beaming. a friend told me today that i look lighter and less stressed. it's true. but there is something different that weighs on my heart now. and i haven't been thinking much about it lately. i've been busy getting ready for what's coming next - sending emails, filling out an application, making travel plans. but today i stopped.

i knew i'd have to. i could feel it coming. it all started with a tim mcgraw song (don't most moments like this begin with a country song?):

"you beautiful baby from the outside in,

chase your dreams but always know the road

that'll lead you home again

go on, take on this whole world

but to me you know you'll always be my baby girl."

and even as i write this now, my tears are warm on my face. i think of that look in my daddy's eyes that i'll see on saturday when i come up to him and give him the biggest hug with my diploma in one hand as i hold on tight to him with the other. i think about all that is before me and i think about how much has happened over these past five years. i am thankful, incredibly thankful. after saturday so much changes. the part of me that wants to figure everything out is so scared. i have been asking the Lord to change my heart so that it would rest in him rather than scrambling for control. i need to let go. please pray that i'll let go.

as i sat on my bedroom floor crying as the playlist went through more songs: "don't forget to remember me," "what hurts the most," and "bless the broken road," i wondered if i have a limit of tears that i'll cry these next few months. and as i think about it now, i know that those tears will be sprinkled in the excitement and the adventure that is before me. there will be both. and there is joy in both.

the next song that came on the playlist was one that was perfect for the moment:

"i hope you never fear those mountains in the distance.

never settle for the path of least resistance.

living might mean taking chances,

but they're worth taking.

lovin' might be a mistake

but it's worth making.

don't let some hell bent heart

leave you bitter.

when you come close to selling out

reconsider.

give the heavens above

more than just a passing glance.

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,

i hope you dance."

last day of grad class.

today was my last day of graduate classes. the reality of it hasn't sunk in yet, and i don't expect it to for another few weeks at least. i have one more paper due on thursday (a final for advanced psychopathology) which will probably kick my butt, but other than that i am rejoicing over the major projects and assignments being over! yet what is so unreal is the loss of fellowship, the loss of my community that i have lived in and grown in and LOVED for the past two years. today i came to the conclusion that it may not feel real right now, and it may not sink in for a few weeks, and that's okay. when it does, and when it hurts, i'll cry and i'll let it hurt. but now, i am thankful and amazed that i SURVIVED and that i'm DONE.

i feel free. my heart feels free. i have grown so much over the past two years - and it has been the Lord's work! i am excited to see where He will take me now in the future, when my time is not bound by syllabi and set reflective assignments.

all i can do right now is smile. it's not an overly expressive smile; it's a simple satisfied smile. it's a thankful smile.

the summer road trip revealed.

there's so much going on. assignments to do, thinks to think about, friends to drink tea with, decisions to be made, life plans to ponder... you know, the usual. and so easily i get overwhelmed with it all and try to plan everything or get overwhelmed because i am not planning. but here's something that happened this week that reminds me that God will work all things out, i just need to be obedient. as a dear friend of mine says, "life is what happens when we're making other plans."

i've been planning on going to michigan for two weeks of SEND candidate orientation over the summer, and though i've given the "YES! i'll be there!" i hadn't yet figured out how i would get there. this week i realized, it's two months away and i have not even given a thought to airline tickets. well, there's a reason for that. God has another way of getting me there.

my dear friend from grad school and i have been talking and she happens to be moving back to ohio just a few days before my training begins. i offered to help pack things up and help move things to ohio. this week she called and asked if i would do that - we'll get to ohio the day before training and i can take a bus from her place to detroit. perfect plan! i get to hang out with my wonderful friend, do manual labor, and get to michigan cheaper than flying!

then the question lingered, how would i get back to the east coast?

yesterday that question was answered. let me introduce you to another friend, my dear becca.

becca just got back to the states from her semester in germany and we finally got a chance to catch up yesterday on the phone. i told her of my summer plans and as we examined the dates of our summers, we realized that we both needed to get back to the east coast from detroit on the same weekend. PLAN! summer road trip! becca and i have now made plans to make an event out of it and visit canada and some friends along the way back to our home.

these plans could not have worked out if i had planned them. God definitely had His hand in organizing my trip - all i did was say "yes! i'll go to michigan!" and He took care of my transportation and planning - in such a fun and adventurous (and inexpensive) way!

now i just need to find a friend who is driving out to poland... ;-)

please pray...

please pray for me these last few weeks...

for wisdom, strength, understanding, and faith.

enjoying the moment.

i'm sitting at a friend's apartment while she's gone for the weekend working on my final small group project for graduate school. i have left to write about 2 pages and 1.5 lesson plans. then it's time to edit and format before i send that bad boy to print. as i write about the ambivalance that is felt during a groups termination stage, i can't help but think about the ambivalance i feel right now.

it's nearly 70 degrees and the sun is finally WARM ON MY SKIN which makes my heart so happy. i have country music playing from my pandora and i keep drinking this fantastic strawberry kiwi juice. i'm nearing the end of my huge paper and yet i'm tired. right now, i might consider for a moment laying this paper down to go to the BEACH. but ya know what? i'm going to finish this project, and i am going to enjoy the moment! i'm resting, i'm working, i'm dreaming, and i'm excited.

my small group project is a curriculum for preparing college students for missions trips. as i'm researching, thinking, and writing about it, i am seeing over and over again the huge benefit for short term missions - especially for the student. our professor said that short term trips can be "corrective emotional experiences" (click the link, it will explain what it is). that just EXCITES me. i'd love to lead short term teams. do training. debriefing.

oh you just wait. it might just happen.

p.s. i'm going back to poland this summer. =)

red pill or blue pill?

i wish that for this next month i was a machine.

and as the words come, i hear the counselor in me asking, "and if you were a machine, what would that accomplish for you?"

i resist my inner counselor because i want to just say the words and not think about their implications. but then i know i should dig deeper into that statement. ok, fine, i'll answer your question. if i were a machine i would not have to feel and i would never get tired. i would be able to get all of my assignments finished and in on time by working diligently for the next month without needing to take time off. taking time off is difficult for me to do when there is so much that needs to get done. but my body, mind, and heart can only do so much at one time. that's why i wish i was a machine. if i was a machine, i wouldn't have to feel the disappointment of not being able to spend time with my friends and i would not have to feel the loss that is coming next month. i would be able to set those intense emotions aside in order to accomplish what i need to do. i could just make decisions easily and not feel the pain of disappointing people around me.

my inner counselor looks at me sympathetically. "wow, it sounds like you have so much going on right now - and so much emotion with so many assignments and decisions and you're tired."

if i was not at work right now, i would cry. my inner counselor is right. she did a good job summarizing.

the inner counselor thinks of the next question to ask. "so being a machine would mean that you don't have to feel and that you could just get done what you need to get done. is there anything you would miss out on by being a machine?"

maybe i'd miss out on growth. being a machine would be a way of avoiding all this pain. it'd be like a drug. right now that sounds like of inviting. like morpheus offering neo the blue pill or the red pill. if he chose the blue pill then he could go on with life and be happy and comfortable in his ignorance. if he chose the red pill than he would be sucked into reality - and he would see and experience the pain of the real world. he chose the red. why did he chose red? what about reality entised him? he was longing for something more.

what about me? am i going to feel? am i going to feel the pain and the tiredness of pushing myself to finish assignments and the anxiety of work that i don't know how is going to get done. am i going to feel the longing for closer relationships and the tension of how to best spend my time? am i going to let myself feel the upcoming loss and life transition and let it ache? am i going to let myself get excited with the anticipation of an unknown future and be hopeful of a life with no lingering papers and practicums? how will i spend my last month as a college student?

my inner counselor chimes in to my questioning, "is it worth it to you to not feel? if you are a machine, you will not feel the joy either."

my knee jerk reaction is to wonder if there will be joy this month. of course there will be joy! spring is coming and this morning i woke up to the sun shining on my face and the grass being mowed outside my window! in less than two weeks dunkin donuts is giving away free iced coffee, my favorite warm weather treat! this weekend we celebrate the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ and in just one month i celebrate what the Lord has done in my life over the past five years. i can find joy in the stress. it's just a little harder to see sometimes. i want to feel that joy. i want to smile at the sunshine and be in awe as i read God's word. there will be joy this month. and i don't want to miss out.

"so you don't want to be a machine?"

well first of all, i know i can't. that isn't going to work. realistically, it's not even an option. and although right now i might prefer it, deep down i don't really want to because shutting down from pain also shuts down from joy! i'll guess i'll stick with the stress, the loss, the anxiety, the tiredness - because it will grow me in perserverence and because i can experience the joy in the midst of it. there is joy. and i can find joy in knowing that.

thank you, inner counselor. your check will be in the mail.

why i love this town #2

featured town: gorazde, bosnia.

under communism, there were only 25 cars in a city of about 80,000. the city was not built for cars. now, nearly everyone owns a car. not only do you have a city of new drivers, but you have roads that are not vehicle friendly.

how do people park their cars in a city with very few parking lots? they use anything they can - sidewalks, narrow streets, turning lanes! they're very creative.

it certainly makes driving and walking an interesting challenge!

we're back!

...and still struggling to overcome jetlag! i'm feeling a lot better today - and woke up on my own with the sun shinning on my face. i think that helps. i'm hoping for some time on sunday to sit back, drink tea, and write some stories from bosnia on here and in an email update. for now, enjoy some pictures.

our team in philadelphia airport prior to departure.

the beautiful city.

the team, exhausted, upon arrival in philadelphia on monday.
(susie is still all smiles!!)

bosnia!

i am leaving for bosnia in just over an hour!

i drove back to philadelphia last night and after eating homemade pizza with a few teammates, i came back to my room to pack. i think i set a new record with packing 40 lbs in 45 minutes.

my biggest struggle right now is trying to not worry about my schoolwork. i'm having a really hard time finishing up a paper due next week and there are other assignments over me right now that i don't have time or energy to get to. i feel overwhelmed with wondering how things will all get done in time. yet, i know that God is faithful and He will give me the energy and the time to do them. but my heart still freaks out.

PLEASE PRAY for me that God would calm my heart and that i would be able to trust that He is using this time when he is taking me away from my schoolwork for good and for His purposes. pray that i would be able to be present with my team and present with those whom we serve.

why i love this town, #1

featured town: seymour, ct

today i’m spending the afternoon at starbucks working on a paper. i approach the bar, not sure what beverage to order today. the barista notices my expression of puzzlement as i gaze upon the menu and says, “are you deciding what to order? everything up there is excellent. especially the snake latte, which is not listed.”

intrigued, i inquire further: “the snake latte?”

“well actually i just made that up. there is no snake latte.”

“you can create one! i’ll order that.” i turn to the barista at the register, “i’m going to have a snake latte. be creative!”

the barista at the bar’s face lights up as he begins to make his creative latte. i returned to my seat at my laptop and minutes later, he brings to me my very own snake latte.



i have no idea what is in it, but it sure tastes amazing. : )

bonus why I love this town: man and women drive up to starbucks, the woman gets out of the car and comes in to buy her drink. the man gets out of the car and stands by the door, sipping his cup of dunkin donuts coffee. there’s new england for ya!

attempts at self care.

for our grief and trauma class, our professor has been encouraging us to find ways to take care of ourselves after class. she has been impressing on us the importance of self care as a regular thing so that we will not get burned out as counselors. to end class yesterday, she showed us a youtube video by louis gigleo called "how great is our God" (go HERE and watch all 5 parts) which really humbled us as he puts in perspective how small we really are. i left class completely in awe over God's hugeness (is that a word?) and yet that He still cares for US! and just amazed at how He holds all things together.

my plan for self care this weekend was to go to new jersey to visit my aunt and uncle. i wanted to sleep in a nice big bed in my own room and take a bath saturday night. sunday, the plan was for the rest of the family to come over for dinner and a movie.

right by the gas station near pbu, i got a flat tire. slightly shaken, i pulled into the gas station, parked the car, called dad, then called AAA (my first instinct when something is broken is to call dad!). long story short - AAA came, put the doughnut on, the doughnut was flat, and my friend was there and drove me down to n.j. as we were driving, i remembered how just this week i was meeting with my mentor about how i respond to crisis. i know that in stressful situations, my usual instinct is to withdraw my heart or in other situations avoid making a decision. this time i couldn't. it was neat to see God teaching me and challenging me through this minor crisis. all things considered, i felt a sense of peace. i knew that God is so much bigger than my flat tire and that He has purpose even in this. i still found it difficult to make quick decisions on the stop (just ask drew!), but i eventually learned through this that i just need to make a decision, go with it, and see what happens. if it gets redirected (i.e. pepboys was closed!) then i know to chose something else.

but i wasn't out of the woods just yet. upon arriving at my family's house, i had tea and a nice warm dinner while talking about what i learned in class with my aunt and uncle. i skipped the bath and jumped into my nice warm bed (complete with a pieszyna! - rebecca got 20 points for correcting my spelling. i get -10 for originally spelling it so bad she didn't know what it was.). i slowly woke up the next morning, and my aunt came in to tell me that a snow storm was on it's way. i needed to act fast to get a tire on my car. after a quick shower and breakfast, my uncle and i headed to langhorne to find an open tire place (eventually - sam's club!) and get the tire fixed. we then put it on the car (i now know how to change a tire!) and i drove back to their house.

we had an amazing mexican dinner with fajitas, tacos, and rice followed by watching benjamin button while all warm on the couch with many blankets. it was so wonderful to feel at home with my family. when the movie was over the snow started. i began to worry more - debating between driving through the snow that night or risking missing class the next day. in the end, i decided to leave. i packed up the car and drove off, the snow already half an inch on the driveway. two miles down the road i realized i forgot some things. i went back to get them and then started my trip again. the roads were covered in snow and i could not see more than a couple yards in front of me. i could feel the ice getting up into the bottom of my car. once getting on the highway, i realized that i was headed the wrong direction (the sign on the entrance had been covered in snow - i couldn't see "east"!). my low fuel light had just lite up, and this exit had a gas station! (not only that, but gas was 20 cents cheaper than it is by school!) i called a friend to talk things through and decided on going back to my aunt and uncles.

when i arrived at their house, i flopped on the couch. relieved to be back in the safe house, i know that if there is class tomorrow the Lord will get me there safely. i am thankful to be safe! and i am also really thankful that i am NOW going to take that bath after all - bubbles and all. tomorrow i will wake up and have a fresh cup of coffee and a homemade pączki. in spite of the stress, it seems this weekend qualifies for self care after all. with some additional life lessons thrown in the mix.

brokenness.

"brokenness is the realization that life is too much for us, not just because there is too much pain but also because we're too selfish. brokenness is realizing He is all have. hope is realizing He is all we need. joy is realizing He is all we want." - dr. larry crabb

the long walk.

no parking spots left in front of heritage dorm. i drive up to lot A to park my car, open the trunk, and unload my bags from the weekend to begin my treck back to heritage. with me i have my overnight bag and laundry from spending the night with carrie, my purse, and another bag of laundry and two freshly pressed collared shirts to deliver to a friend in wing one from his parents (who go to the church i attend). in the bitter cold and wind, i walk up the walkway juggling this load. i look ahead to the building and am discouraged by the distance i have still to go. i think about walking quicker or running, but with all of these bags it would be impossible. i decide to focus on the ground in front of me. i take a moment to glance at the sky and the beautiful stars. i continue to walk forward, taking one block of pavement at a time and manage to make it to the warmth of heritage hall without any item falling off of my load.

as i walk, i reflect on the phone conversation i just finished with a friend. "when i think of all that is going on with you, my head spins. if it feels like you juggling a lot, you are," she said to me. i do feel like i'm juggling a lot. there is much work to be done to finish this program. i'm balancing two "lives" of undergrad and grad. i'm in application with SEND (which is in and of itself a full time job, i've come to learn). i'm being faced with serious life-after-college decisions. i'm going to bosnia in three weeks. and i'm tired. yet as i reflected on all of this while walking to my dorm this evening, i realized - i need to keep looking at what is right in front of me. if i look all the way ahead - i am going to be so much more overwhelmed. granted, i have on the side of my desk a list of all assignments due when from now until the end of the semester. but it's written out so that i see what is of most importance. i'm learning to make priorities. and i'm learning that i, christine lindemann, am a priority. i am not my schoolwork. i am not how much i can accomplish in one afternoon. i am also not how many phone calls i have failed to return or how many emails i have to catch up on or how messy my room is. i need to care for my soul. i need to look up at the sky and admire the beauty of the stars.

now as i sit writing this, my shoulders still hurt from carrying my bags. i'm writing this to process it and to try to help myself believe it and live by it. and i wonder if instead of simply looking at the step in front of me, if there's more to this illustration. i didn't ask for help. i actually thought of it, i thought of calling security and asking for a lift. i could have called a friend and asked for a hand to help me with the bags. but i didn't. "this will get done a lot faster if i just do it," i thought. oh, i so easily do the same thing in life. and with God.

Lord, please forgive me for trying to do this on my own. please forgive me for wearing myself out because i'm not asking for help - from You and from the wonderful people you have put in my world. please help me now. please help me to ask for help - and to truly cast my cares on You. please give me faith to trust You with the decisions that need to be made and the work that needs to be done. thank you, Lord.

pbu missions week.

here at PBU it's MISSIONS WEEK! this is different from what we've done in my time here, where we have a week set aside for missions during the regular class schedule. we have special chapels (key speakers - dave and liz givens!), evening activities, and breakout sessions on thursday (they cancelled class!). tonight was international food and fun night. in a game, i was dressed as a russian woman - my clothing made out of newspapers. and for the food, i rediscovered my love for curry. OH, and peach juice! i'm really going to have to take a run down to the russian food market sometime soon.

it's going to be crazy focusing on schoolwork with all of the excitement of missions activities and some of my favorite missionaries on campus. which reminds me, i have to go and read about clinical psychological disorders...

me and a missionary "dressed" as russians.

people from all around the world...

what's the story, morning glory?

it's not the morning, and i'm far too tired to write a story. but that line popped into my head because i have not updated with a post explaining what is going on with BOSNIA or other areas of my life! and so, here it is, a life update.

BOSNIA -- i'm currently raising financial and prayer support! i'm at less than half of the money i need financially, and so if you would like to help me, please let me know! and if you have given - THANK YOU SO MUCH! we met as a team last monday with a young woman who spent 14 months in bosnia over the past couple of years. she showed us pictures and shared stories about her experiences there. it was so incredible to hear first hand and it made the trip come alive. something that was really encouraging for me to hear is the importance of SHORT TERM TEAMS. she told us that short term teams are an opportunity for the locals to make some money - by us paying them to host us in their homes and by us paying for translators - money that is hard to come by these days. also, it gives them a chance to make friends with people from around the world and tell their story. this made me really excited to stay with a host family and learn about their lives and experiences.

lisa (one of our team leaders) was asked to conduct a seminar on depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. she's going to begin preparation for this NEXT WEEK, and she has asked for prayer for her preparation. please pray for her! she will be presenting with a translator, which also adds another challenge.

CLASSES -- OH, i honestly love my classes. they are so challenging and have so much work for them, but if i budget my time well i'll do just fine and learn so much. tomorrow, i'm planning on watching a DVD about group therapy -- and we actually watch the process of a group in its different stages. then for my practicum, i need to visit therapy groups and observe them in action. for another project, i'll be writting my own small group curriculum. i'm thinking of doing something about missions and maybe college students... i'm going to brainstorm a little more on this.

LIFE -- life after graduation? who has time to think of that now! but i do need to, and i ask for PRAYER in this area too. i actually am working on an application with SEND (can you believe it?!) for a position that i will post more on later!

CURRENTLY READING -- i would like to highly recommend this book for ALL OF YOU, especially those of you in leadership positions. this is a book i'm reading for class, that i know when i finish it will have changed my life -- leading with a limp, by dan allender.

i will leave you with a quote from allender's book, one that i am reflecting on tonight:

"a limping leader understands this: i don't know if i am right, nor am i sure the path chosen is the best, but after reflection, feedback, debate, and prayer, i am choosing this path. in the process, i will seek life like water and drink death like wine" (page 74).

thirteen years.

thirteen years ago today i sat on my living room floor with a yellow notepad and a pen. mom and dad were seated on the loveseat and dad told me numbers to write down every time mom let out a moan of pain. i was the official "contraction time recorder."

thirteen years ago today my little brother adam was born. we had prayed (as little kids would) that it would be after christmas because dad said if mom was in the hospital when santa came, that we would have to wait to open all of our presents when she got home. right before the new year seemed like a good time.

thirteen years ago tomorrow i put on my new christmas clothes and packed some new christmas toys into my new christmas purse and road in the van with my family to the hospital where we gathered in mom's hospital room (and i snuck bites of her pudding). this was the first time i saw my baby brother adam.

today i put on my new christmas sweatshirt and wrapped myself in my new christmas scarf (given to me by adam), my wallet filled with christmas money, and headed to walmart to buy a present for adam's thirteenth birthday. i instinctively went to the toy aisle, but then realized - he's not a kid anymore. he is now a teenager. he doesn't collect hot wheels or play with coloring books. he doesn't play hi ho cheerio or play dough (though i know i sure would). we now like the same tv shows (lost and chuck) and we both stay up late to watch them. my brother is a teenager.

where does the time go? in the room where he now sleeps until past noon, i once sat on a rocking chair and fed him his bottle as i sang him to sleep. now he's only an inch shorter than me and can do mathmatical equations in the time it takes me to find my calculator. my baby brother is growing up.

today we will celebrate adam's day of birth by playing his new favorite game - heroscape. we'll finish our evening by watching the dark knight and eating ice cream cake. i am reminded of how fast time goes and how much my little brother has grown up and how much he will grow up. thank you, Lord, for blessing me with such a wonderful brother who will soon grow into a wonderful man. happy birthday, adam.

adoption.

a couple of weeks ago, my aunt and uncle adopted my new cousin. this little boy has seen more in his seven years than many people see in their lifetime. it has been a long process to make his adoption final, and weeks before the end of the year, my aunt and uncle received this wonderful christmas present.

this evening, my grandpa recounted the story of the day at the courthouse. he spoke of the emotional caseworker who enthusiastically gave her approval for the adoption and of my cousin's understanding that now he had a new last name (one he's been trying to go by for some time now). at end of the process, the grandfather-like judge addresses the group saying: "as of THIS MOMENT, you have a new name. you no longer will go by your old name. you are a part of this family." he then turns to my aunt and uncle and instruct them: "this means that he is to receieved the same inheritance that you would give your own children. he is now YOUR child." grandpa continued to tell the story, but my thoughts were stuck on the judge's word choice: INHERITANCE.

"He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved" (Ephesians 1:5).

we have been adopted as sons of God. i knew the concept but i don't think i ever reflected on its implications. the judge was telling my aunt and uncle that my adopted cousin gets the same rights and priviledges as their biological child. and when they die, their inheritance is to be shared equally. their biological son is to get no special treatment over their adopted son. they are equal partakers.

"for through Him we both have our access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God's household..." (ephesians 2:18-19). paul (a man of the nation of israel) writes this to the gentiles in ephesus. a biological son to an adopted son, so to speak. he continues in 3:6: "...the Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel... (3:6).

we are fellow heirs to the interitance which the Father has qualified us for (colossians 1:12), because our adoption as sons through Jesus Christ.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (1 peter 1:3-5)

merry christmas!

reflections on how it shouldn't be. and how it is.

"and i heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. and he who was seated on the throne said, 'behold I am making all things new.'" - revelation 21:3-5

death isn't supposed to happen. God did not create this world with the intention of death. He knew it would happen, yes. but that was not his intention. our souls were not created to experience such a separation. it isn't supposed to be this way. in john's revelation, he hears the proclaimation above. when the heavens and the earth pass away and the new heavens and new earth come, God will dwell with his people.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
DEATH SHALL BE NO MORE.
neither shall there be mourning
nor crying
nor pain anymore

the former things - death, crying, pain - have passed away. this isn't how it's supposed to be.

my grandmother passed away this weekend.

my soul cries out, "this isn't how it's supposed to be!" and it makes me long ever more for that day when we will dwell in the city of our LORD and He will dwell among us, wiping every tear from our eyes, and where death shall be no more. the pain points me to His love - because it is His love that lasts forever. by the blood of Jesus Christ, we experience that LOVE. we have that HOPE.

on Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus. but what does this mean to us today? it means that God came to live among us, just for a short time, so that we might KNOW Him and believe in Him, and that God Himself in human form (that is, Jesus Christ) would take the penalty for OUR SINS (for yours, for mine, for the sins of Adam and of the human race) that he could CONQUOR DEATH by raising from the dead and giving those who believe in HIM victory over death in that we might live eternally with our LORD. praise be to God.

what is more, Christ has sent to us the Holy Spirit. this is our comforter while we wait for His return.

through Him we find peace. through Him we have hope. in Him there is LIFE. and that's the way it's supposed to be.

peppermint hot chocolate.

my favorite wintery starbucks beverage? a peppermint mocha latte. and now, chick-fil-a has a new milkshake! the peppermint chocolate milkshake.

yet i have created a cheaper and even tastier variation of my favorite flavor!

bigelow peppermint tea: 20 bags for $3.17
nestle hot chocolate: 10 packets for $1.00

the result? delicious perfection.