polska next week!

am i really leaving for europe in less than a week? i have this cycle that plagues me - i get really excited about traveling until about the week before when i get really nervous. and there's something unique about this time - that i feel like i'm finally starting to settle into being at home and i'm getting ready to leave again. this time, when i come back everything will be completely different: eric will be back at college, the two other kids will be back in school, and summer (as far as the school calendar goes) will be over.

but my summer is far from over, with so many more adventures on the horizon. i'm having a hard time combining all of my worlds in my mind - i used to have my PBU world and my Connecticut world. now there's a world out in michigan and a world in poland and little "worlds" all around the states, actually! i have friends in ohio, oregon, new york, new jersey, massachusets - and sometimes these worlds collide! it struck me while i was in michigan this past month, i can't categorize people by their places anymore - life is so transitory, it seems.

and i keep thinking about jagoda. as i get ready to pack for poland, i think of what she wore and what she taught me of the polish culture and language. a part of me expects to see her at camp. i expect that she'll get there and i will give her a huge hug and we'll stay up late at night talking about futbol or heaven. i expect that we'll dance together, hike together, and each ice cream (polish: "lody") together. none of that will happen with her. instead, i will sit by her graveside and i will weep. i will weep with sadness for the young life that was lost and i will weep with thanksgiving that the Lord allowed me to be a part of her short life.

i will be intentional with my other relationships while i am there. i will give to the lives of the girls at the camp and i will make the most of each moment, Lord willing. this is a huge challenge and often feels hard for me, but it drives me to my knees and my heart to surrender.